i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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