I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
