the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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