3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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