Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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