can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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