You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
