I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
