Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
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