i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
