Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
