i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
