We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
