I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
