i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
