You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
