He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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