I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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