If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
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