i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
