Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
