They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
