Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
