whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
