I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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