he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
