it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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