@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
