'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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