Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
