Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
