pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
