how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
