I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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