About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
