i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My vagina is officially offended.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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