The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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