i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
