garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
