Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
