White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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