i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
