if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
