And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
