wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
