Just fell off a train. Bad.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
