well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
