I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I touched a dick in church today
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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