the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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