Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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