come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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