guess who came home with a hottie last night
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"