btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
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Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
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Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.