just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house