I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.