Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
