Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
