I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
