My sheets look like a crime scene.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
