guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
