God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
