Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
