I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
