I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
