This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
