obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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