When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
