I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
