Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
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That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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