I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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