There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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