If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
