I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just invented taco cereal.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
