I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
