You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
