He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
